Brain MRI | heartprotection's Blog

I received the results from my last MRI of my brain. I have two new lesions and my neurologist feels that I should go back onto my injectable medication. I took myself off of it a year ago andthe severe chest pains stopped and those moments of confusion that I had been experiencing have become less frequent. Other issues though have increased...such as the fatigue and the eye pain and swallowing is not always so easy. Never in my life have I actually had to "think" about swallowing...who does? You eat, you swallow, you smile, you take a sip of wine...etc...who has to think about it? Well, I guess those of us who have disabilities.

My friends constantly call me to complain about their husbands and I have told them that I need to watch the minutes on my phone. Why should they care? Where were they when I needed help and why does everyone think that it is okay to talk to me so long as they need a court jester? I have tried to explain but everyone has their own stuff, perhaps I am being insensitive and do not realize it. perhaps I need new friends; but how do we make new friends when most people have their own lives and families who need care.

I am so tired, so very tired. No, even the thought of meeting Mr. Right someday does not cheer me because I know that chances are that they will treat me as my ex has treated me. I do not have the energy to care for a man with a disability and no man without a disability really wants to get involved with a woman who has a disability unless it is solely for sex and I am not interested in that. Never did I think that I would be 42 and childless and not even have a car at this stage of my life. I am feeling sorry for myself today but I think that I am allowed to do so, just today that is.